Satire: Confronted with own logic, Progmo abandons Jesus in favor of Ray Charles

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Julie, a well-followed user of #TwitterStake with progressive leanings announced yesterday that they could not in good faith follow Jesus any longer, and would instead begin worshiping the late blind musician Ray Charles.

“Above all else, God is love,” explained Julie. “And for all you #DezNat haters, I think that’s even in the Bible! So I hope you take all your bigotry, your misogyny, your homophobia, and get REKT!”

Although Julie was unable to provide any examples of bigotry, misogyny, or homophobia from those who unapologetically sustain the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, she made a new discovery as her shrill rant continued.

“Plus – Love is blind! It’s not only for the people who think like you do! You’re like the Pharisees! And every one of the Pharisees will burn in hell!” continued Julie.

Julie ignored the counterpoint that the Apostle Paul was actually a Pharisee who was chosen by Christ himself, and that he spread the doctrine of repentance and baptism to people of various cultures wherever he traveled.

“Because love is blind, we can learn a lot from people whose vision is not clouded by appearances, or nationalities, or orientations, or if they have doubts, or if they have ever expressed their doubts by wishing death on apostles and prophets, or whether they are vegetarians,” explained Julie. “Yeah, in fact, blind people are probably way better than people who can see. Think of Ray Charles!”

When asked what about the blind musician appealed to her, Julie responded:

“Were you even listening?! God is love! Love is blind! Ray Charles is blind! Ray Charles is…” Julie paused for a moment as she scratched her head and whispered some arithmetic.

“Ray Charles IS GOD!” shouted Julie. “Maybe that’s where #DezNat went wrong… following Jesus is nice, but WE KNOW BETTER!”

When asked whether she would use #TwitterStake since the “stake” comes from the organizational unit in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Julie stood up and shrieked “Stop judging me!” and stormed away to inform her followers she was giving up Jesus in favor of Ray Charles.

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Brett Jensen manages The Ward Preacher. You can follow him on Twitter @wardpreacher.